


Behind Closed Doors

by gokailyger84



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-01-30 13:28:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21428986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gokailyger84/pseuds/gokailyger84
Summary: Brian and Dan have been together for a while.  Their relationship continues to grow and deepen.  It should be perfect.  Brian and Dan's love for each other can barely be contained.  But in public, it has to be. Behind closed doors, not so much.
Relationships: Dan Avidan/Brian Wecht
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22
Collections: Game Grumps Holiday Exchange 2019





	Behind Closed Doors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HerbertBest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/gifts).

> Thanks to bowshocks for betaing

Brian inserted his keycard into the door, turning the handle and pushing it open.

It had barely shut behind him before he found himself pushed against it, the handle painfully digging into his lower back. His vision filled with curls and suddenly he found a tongue shoved down his throat.

“Mmph!”

Firmly grabbing a pair of shoulders, Brian pushed them away from him and their owner stumbled back.

“Danny. Chill, will ya?” Brian said breathlessly.

Dan steadied himself and watched as Brian straightened up and winced, rubbing his side.

Stepping back to him, Dan lightly touched Brian's hip, his hand slipping underneath his shirt and touching the tender area where he knew a bruise was forming. 

He kissed Brian's forehead. “I'm sorry, Bri. Guess I got a little excited.”

Brian laughed. “A little? I know my bod is hot but damn, dude.”

Dan at least had the decency to blush; he tended to go overboard when he and Brian were alone.

But could you blame him?

He and Brian had been busy for weeks and now they were on tour. Nights in the hotel were the only chance for them to be truly alone.

Reaching behind Brian, Dan turned the deadbolt and flipped the latch, then took Brian's hand in his own and led them to the bed. He tilted his head up by the chin, staring into his bright blue eyes.

“It's been too long, Bri,” he said, the desperation clear in his tone. “Need you so bad.”

Brian let out a small gasp. Even a year and a half later, Brian didn't think he'd ever get used to Dan's lust/love for him. Feeling a boost of confidence, he pulled his shirt off and unbuttoned his shorts, letting them drop to the floor. “Well, we have all night. You made sure of that.”

Dan let out a low growl. Brian shivered, and he knew it wasn't just from the air conditioner running on full blast.

A large hand splayed across his bare chest and pushed, and Brian fell back onto the sole bed in the room with a grunt.

Dan crawled over him, straddling his thighs and running his hands over his stomach and chest.

Brian groaned, looking up at Dan with half-lidded eyes. “We really should have gone to dinner with the others,” He said as Dan leaned forward and took one of his nipples into his mouth.

“Hmm?” Dan glanced up, watching Brian's face scrunch up and turn red as he sucked on the small nub. Pulling off with a wet pop, Dan smiled at him and dipped down for a deep kiss, and Brian groaned deep in his throat.

Breaking the kiss and sitting back, Dan's smile widened, feeling the growing bulge pressed against the cleft of his ass. He reached back and cupped Brian's cock, giving it a squeeze.

Brian let out a low moan, his eyes sliding shut.

“We'll hang out with them tomorrow. I can't hold out anymore; need you too much, Bri.” Dan said, reassuring him.

Brian let out a shuddering breath. All the tension seeped out of his body, and he was becoming more compliant by the second, giving in to what Dan wanted once more.

He had that kind of effect on Brian.

Opening his eyes, Brian smiled. “What are you waiting for, then?” he asked cheekily.

Dan's smile shifted into a smirk. “Smartass.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometime later Brian woke up, letting out a grunt as he blinked his eyes open.

He was on his back, lying in bed. Dan's head was resting on his chest, his body pressed close and curled up against his side. 

He shifted, turning on his side to face Dan. He couldn't help but wince at the movement—his body was wrecked. Love bites were scattered all over his body. His limp dick was still very tender and his ass was throbbing.

No doubt, he and Dan had overdone it. They fucked like rabbits for hours; Brian couldn't remember the last time he’d come so much.

Running a hand through Dan's curly hair, he smiled at his soft murmuring. Both of them were pretty touch starved, craving each other after so long.

The length of time could have been more tolerable if not for one thing.

Brian's smile faded. Letting out a sigh, he continued combing his fingers through Dan's curls.

He and Dan had been together for a while now, over a year, and their families and close friends knew of their relationship.

That should have been enough, shouldn't have been a problem.

But somehow, it was.

When in public, Dan treated Brian like he always had: as his best friend, his partner, and bandmate.

Which was fine.

But when they were with those who knew of their relationship, Dan still treated Brian the same way.

Like they weren’t boyfriends.

Behind closed doors, Dan was all over him, almost as if he couldn’t get enough.

He’d become used to Dan's ritual of locking the bedroom door and closing the curtains, even in the privacy of their own homes, and when they were out and about, Brian knew not to expect any special treatment or attention, only the appropriate level of platonic affection. He was used to it, but it was beginning to weigh on his mind.

Brian thought back to a few months ago, long before the tour had started.

It was late at night and only he and Arin were at the Grump Space.

Brian had been at his desk, finishing up some business on his laptop when Arin left his private office and came over to sit by him.

They made small talk until Brian was finished and ready to go.

As they were leaving, Arin had asked Brian a question that caught him off guard.

“Are you and Dan still dating?” he had asked, rather bluntly.

Brian stared at him with confusion. “What? Um, yeah. Last I checked, we were.”

“Oh, okay.”

Waiting for Arin to elaborate, Brian started to feel annoyed when he didn't.

“Why do you ask?” He pressed.

Arin shrugged. “I don't know. It just...seems like nothing’s changed between you two. Not that it's any of my business.”

Brian didn't reply, suddenly realizing that it was true.

There had been no apparent difference in his relationship with Dan, at least in public, but behind closed doors, it was another story.

Coming back to the present, Brian looked down at the restful look on Dan’s face.

Dan had a lot of internal issues regarding his relationship with Brian. There was a lot of unlearning and habit breaking he had to go through.

Brian understood, he really did. He'd gone through his own struggles during a more turbulent time, not that it was any harder; it was just a different situation.

He’d love for Dan to openly show his love for Brian, but he also knew he had to be patient and be content with what he had. He loved Dan to death and would do practically anything for him. There were times where he still couldn't believe that Dan actually loved him and they were in a relationship.

Two years ago Brian would have called his current situation impossible, but here they were, and it made it even clearer that he should be happy with what Dan could give him, instead of being greedy and possibly pushing Dan away with things he didn't necessarily need.

That was what Brian continued to tell himself.

_ “Be grateful. You have more than you deserve.” _

But knowing that still didn't quell the heartache he felt every time Dan kept his distance in public and gave Brian a stern look when he pushed his affection a little too far.

It hurt.

But Brian could deal. He still had Dan, maybe not in all aspects of his life, but he still had him.

And that was enough.

It had to be.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arin was sitting at one of the tables near the back of the tour bus, scrolling through his phone. He’d woken up early, the first to be up and ready to go aside from the driver.

After a while, the others made their way onto the bus. It was a tight fit, considering they had TWRP and Planet Booty with them, but they were making do.

Arin watched as Brian sat down on one of the side couches next to Josh. Dan was right behind him, and Brian moved his bag and looked up as if he expected Dan to sit next to him.

Dan didn't even pause, walking to the back towards Arin and taking a seat across from him. “Hey, man.”

Arin didn't respond, his eyes still on Brian. He saw the confusion in Brian's expression when Dan passed him and then the shift to hurt and resignation. 

His eyes met Arin's but he quickly looked away.

“Arin?” Dan questioned.

Arin looked up, meeting his gaze. Dan had a confused smile on his face.

Checking to make sure no one was paying attention to them, Arin leaned over the table, keeping his voice low. “Why didn't you sit by Brian?”

Dan raised an eyebrow. His expression becoming even more confused. “What?”

Arin could feel himself growing annoyed. Dan couldn't be that oblivious. “He's your boyfriend, right?”

Dan's eyes widened and he quickly looked around to see if anyone heard, and that only served to annoy Arin more.

“Dan. Everyone on this bus knows. Why are you acting like it's some big secret?” He hissed out.

Dan frowned. “I don't think it's really any of your business, but maybe we don't care for all of that bullshit PDA.”

Arin's eyes narrowed. “Bullshit PDA, huh? You never seemed to have any problems with your past girlfriends.”

Dan's teeth clenched, feeling his anger rising. “What the fuck are you trying to say, Arin?” He gritted out.

Taking a breath, Arin stared straight at Dan. “I'm saying that I don't think you've even talked to Brian about it. He's just going along because he doesn't want to lose you, no matter how much he's hurting.”

“He's fine!” Dan snapped, causing Sung and Meouch to glance over.

The two stared at each other, as if in a contest.

Arin let out a sigh. This was pointless. “Okay, Dan. Whatever. You know him best. I overstepped. I'm sorry.”

With that, he looked back down at his phone, clearly done with the conversation.

Still feeling irritated, Dan stood up and walked to the back bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Brian's worried gaze followed him.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan sat on the edge of the bed, hunched over with his head in his hands.

What the fuck was Arin's problem?

Trying to tell him how to run his relationship. Seriously, what the fuck?

Closing his eyes, Dan took several deep breaths. He hated being angry, especially at his friends. And Arin was in the realm of extremely close friends.

He looked up as a soft knock sounded on the door. “Come in,” he said, fully expecting Arin to walk in.

“Danny?”

It was Brian.

Dan's eyes dropped down to the shaggy carpet, hearing the door shut once more. He resisted the urge to get up and lock it.

The bed dipped down as Brian took a seat beside him. He moved his hand as if to place it on Dan's thigh before pausing and pulling it back, but Dan noticed it from the corner of his eye.

Did Arin have a point? Was he right?

“Danny, are you okay?” Brian asked, his voice filled with worry.

Dan took a breath and turned his head, meeting Brian's eyes. “Brian...are you happy with me?”

Brian's eyes widened, caught off guard. Where was this coming from? Was Dan having second thoughts?

He nodded, almost frantically. “Of course! I couldn't be happier, Danny!”

Dan stared at Brian, studying his expression, listening closely to the tone in his voice; he sounded like he was on the verge of freaking out.

Arin’s words drifted back to Dan's mind.

“_ He's just going along because he doesn't want to lose you, no matter how much he's hurting.” _

Raising a hand, Dan cupped Brian's cheek, his thumb caressing his skin.

Brian's panic shifted to confusion. “Danny?”

Dan leaned forward and captured Brian's lips in a passionate kiss. Brian groaned, his eyes slipping shut as Dan pushed his tongue past his partially opened lips.

Brian could only respond as Dan completely dominated the kiss, his hand moving to the back of Brian's neck and pulling him closer, and the passing thought that the door wasn't locked drifted through his mind as they kissed.

Dan eventually pulled away, and their lips parted with a wet smack. He leaned his forehead against Brian's as the two of them breathed heavily.

“I love you, Brian; don't you ever doubt that. I love you.”

Brian felt a shiver run up his spine at the firmness in Dan's voice, and he nodded, unsure what else to do. “I know, Danny. I know.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian walked up to Dan's microphone, taking it off the stand and holding it up to his mask covered mouth.

There was a surge of screaming, deafening but dying down just as quickly.

He had the sudden urge to actually do it: make Ninja Brian speak and blow their minds.

Thousands of eyes watched him with bated breath.

Would he?

Quickly turning around, Brian walked away.

Of course not.

There was a series of groans mixed in with the screams.

Brian smiled to himself. He loved his job.

Walking carefully through the dark corridor, intent on heading to his dressing room, Brian nearly yelped as he was grabbed by the shoulder and yanked back into the space between the stage curtains and a wall, almost dropping the microphone he was still holding. A body pressed up against him, and a hand grabbed his and took the microphone away.

Brian blinked as Dan turned it off, placing it on a nearby crate, then focused his attention on him. Even in the low light, he could see the hunger in Dan’s eyes.

Dan raised his hand, trailing his fingers along the side of Brian's masked face. “Having fun?” he asked with a smile.

Brian nodded. “Of course. I always have fun. I _ am _fun.” Brian said, aware that he was showing his nerves.

What was Dan doing?

They weren't in their dressing room, and they were only a few feet from the stage. He could hear their fans mingling about.

Dan gripped the top of Brian's mask and pulled it off.

Anyone could easily find them.

Dan tilted Brian's head up by the chin and bent down to kiss him.

Brian's eyes slid shut, his heart pounding. He couldn't believe it. He let out a soft moan as Dan's tongue slid into his mouth.

They were really doing this. Making out in public.

What had gotten into Dan?

A sudden loud bang caused Dan to jerk away, abruptly breaking the kiss.

Brian stared at Dan as he turned his head and searched for the sound. He looked skittish but he didn't move from Brian, still holding their bodies close together.

When he turned back to look at Brian, there was a hint of panicked nervousness in his eyes.

Brian's expression softened. He reached up and cupped Dan's cheek, pleased when he leaned into the touch. “Come on. Let's go get changed.”

Dan stared at Brian with wide eyes and nodded, stepping back from him.

As they walked towards the backstage hallways, Brian couldn't help but notice how their hands occasionally brushed together.

It was a nice feeling.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan smiled down at Brian, running his fingers through his short hair. 

Glancing up at him, Brian tried to smile around his full mouth, causing Dan to laugh which quickly turned into a soft moan. 

Brian shifted his position between Dan’s long legs, pulling off his hard cock with a wet slurp. He began stroking up and down the slick shaft, watching as Dan’s eyes slipped closed, his chest rising and falling rapidly. 

The two of them had snuck back to their hotel room after dinner with their friends, crew and bandmates. 

The tour was going off without a hitch. The adrenaline and post show jitters coursed through their bodies, attracting them to each other like a moth to a flame. 

Brian had been bursting at the seams with pride and love for Dan. He couldn’t get them undressed quick enough, feeling a sudden urge to please Dan and make him feel good. 

Dan had no objections, not after the searing kiss Brian had given him, nor when he’d pushed him back onto the hotel bed and crawled between his legs. 

It always amazed Dan how Brian’s blowjobs always felt like it was their first time. Brian had incredible skills and loved taking Dan apart bit by bit with just his mouth and talented tongue. 

Dan was vaguely aware of a loud knocking at the door and their names being called; it sounded like Dylan. Brian hesitated wondering if they should answer, but Dan wasn’t having it.

“Ignore it, Bri.” 

Brian nodded and continued stroking. “So, Danny,” he said, getting Dan’s attention. He pried his eyes open with some difficulty to see Brian’s smug smirk. “You wanna come in my mouth, or you wanna let me go for a ride?” 

Dan let out a groan, thinking it over. Continued blowjob or Brian riding his cock? Both were excellent choices. He could hear Brian chuckle as his cock twitched in his hand. 

Opening his mouth to answer, a soft jingle went off. 

Brian gave him an annoyed look. “You didn’t silence your phone? Seriously?”

Dan shrugged; he’d forgotten to. 

First the door and now his phone. What did they want?

Reaching over to the nightstand, Dan grabbed his phone. It was Sung. Taking a deep breath, he answered it. Brian continued to slowly stroke his cock, keeping up the continuous flow of pleasure running through Dan’s body. 

“Yeah?” he said with a surprisingly steady voice.

“Hey, Dan. Where are you guys? Tried knocking on your door and didn’t get an answer. Everyone was thinking of some midnight bowling? You in?”

Dan met Brian’s eyes and saw some of the heat fading, probably believing their alone time was going to be cut short. Moving his leg, he rubbed his knee against Brian’s shoulder in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. “Naw, we’re good. Just out walking around the city. We’ll catch up with you guys tomorrow.”

Brian quirked an eyebrow at the blatant lie. Dan usually tried to avoid doing that. 

“Alright, later then,” Sung said, before hanging up. 

Dropping his phone onto the bed, Dan sat up, pulling out of Brian’s grip and leaned back against the headboard. He grabbed the discarded lube from the tangle of sheets and squeezed some out onto his hand, rubbing it over his cock. Meeting Brian’s eyes as he stroked himself, he let out a low moan. “Come here, Brian. Think I’ll take you up on that ride.” 

Brian’s eyes brightened and he climbed to his knees, crawling over to Dan and straddling his thighs. “I’d like that,” he said before leaning down and pressing his lips to Dan’s.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan was lounging on the couch in the stream area when Brian found him. 

He and Arin were scheduled for a live stream of Mario Maker 2 in a bit, and the Grump Space was bustling with activity. Chris and Andres were making sure all of the equipment was working, Allie was on her laptop, looking over the chat and taking notes on suggestions or requests, and Ben was in the editing room, working on new grump episodes. The gaming division were all at their desks working on a new game, and Arin was in his office with Brent on a conference call.

Brian stood before Dan, hesitating; he wasn’t sure if his company would be welcome or not. Dan had been giving mixed signals lately and Brian wasn't sure what mood he was in. It sucked not being able to read Dan like he used to when they weren't in a relationship.

Brian didn’t like being so unsure of his own actions, not even knowing whether or not it was okay to approach his boyfriend.

Seeing the conflict in Brian's expression, Dan smiled and reached out, grabbing Brian by the hand and pulling him onto the couch.

Brian plopped down beside him, still not clear on Dan’s intentions.

Dan pulled Brian into his side and wrapped his arm around his waist, placing his hand over Brian's and interlocking their fingers.

Brian relaxed, becoming more comfortable; today was okay.

It was looking like a good PDA day.

Dan leaned over and pressed a kiss to the side of Brian's head. “Gonna hang out with us today?”

Brian shrugged. He hadn't planned on it but now he was tempted. It was rare to be able to cuddle with Dan with others around. He should probably take the opportunity while he was in the moment. Who knew when Dan would be in the mood again? 

“I can stay…if that's okay?”

Dan snorted. “Since when do you need my permission to do anything?”

Brian's smile widened. “I don't. Just thought I'd be courteous for once,” he replied cheekily, causing Dan to giggle and kiss him again.

Feeling his face warm, Brian couldn't help but laugh. Two public kisses? Today really was a good day.

“Ready Dan?”

Brian and Dan looked up to see Arin walking over.

Dan stiffened, his grip on Brian's hand loosening slightly. “Yep. I'm ready.”

Brian's smile faded. Looked like his time was up.

As Arin took his seat next to Dan and pulled his microphone towards him, Brian moved to get up; maybe it was best to go home.

Dan's hand suddenly tightened around Brian's, keeping him in place. Brian looked over, confused at his actions; he met Dan’s gaze and his eyes widened slightly seeing the barely hidden panicked plea in his brown eyes.

“Stay?” Dan asked.

Brian wasn't sure what to think. They were about to go live. Was it really okay for Dan to be cuddling him while providing entertaining commentary for their lovelies? “You sure?”

Dan nodded, ignoring the feel of Arin's eyes on them.

To be honest, he _ was _worried, and afraid that he would give something away or their fans would be able to tell if Brian made a comment. 

Regardless, Arin had been right. Dan needed to get over his issues.

He loved Brian with all of his heart. Hiding his love and affection behind closed doors wasn't fair to him or Brian.

He’d been doing his best, though; he was going to therapy, talking through his fears and worries. It was still difficult, and he knew the two of them would need to talk eventually. Poor Brian was no doubt confused with Dan's constant back and forth, but he never said anything. It just proved Arin right again.

Dan wanted to change.

It was still nerve-wracking to be open with their relationship around the office but it was becoming a little easier. Doing the stream with Brian next to him might be too much, but Dan wanted to try. He wouldn't make any progress unless he pushed through the barriers within his mind.

Dan swallowed and smiled back at Brian. “Yeah, just for a bit. Okay?”

Brian nodded, smiling wanly. 

Eventually, Dan would pull away, and that would be his cue to leave.

He ignored the sting in his chest and pushed it to the back of his mind. He could tell Dan was going through something. He wasn't exactly sure what, but he knew it would be a process and no matter how much it hurt, he would stick it out.

At least, for as long as he could.

He settled back down and leaned into Dan's side.

Dan let out a relieved sigh, leaning down and rubbing his head against Brian's.

“Thank you.” He whispered, just before Chris told them they were live.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian excused himself and walked into the kitchen, intent on getting himself a second helping. He’d asked everyone else if they wanted anything but they’d all declined.

He opened the oven, pulled out the pan of brisket and placed it onto an oven mat on the counter, picking out a few slices and piling them onto his plate.

As he scooped some roasted green beans out of a pot, a pair of arms locked around his waist causing him to jump in surprise.

“Still eating?” an amused voice said.

Brian glanced over his shoulder and met Dan's eyes, a smirk forming on his face. “Not all of us are walking sticks and actually need sustenance to function,” he quipped.

Dan giggled, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I'm kidding.” He looked over the myriad of dishes on the stove and counters. “Mom can really cook, huh?”

Brian chuckled. “Yeah, she sure can. Debbie too. And don't forget about Steph.”

“Alright, alright, I get it, geez.” Dan said with a smile.

The two of them were in the middle of dinner with their families.

They’d flown them out to California to celebrate the holidays. Usually, Dan and Brian traveled to New Jersey, but this year Dan's sister Dana had suggested reversing the tradition. They’d saved up, putting a music video on hold in order to afford all of the tickets.

Dan's whole family was staying at his home, while Brian's sister, Stephanie, his niece and a few cousins were staying with him. They decided to celebrate at Dan's home as it was a bit larger than Brian's and more convenient as Brian had fewer people to bring with him.

It was nice having both families together, reestablishing connections and creating new friendships. They celebrated both Hanukkah and Christmas, blending the traditions together to create something special for them all.

The wide grin on Brian’s face softened into a smile. Spending the holidays with his boyfriend and their families? He couldn't think of anything better.

Dan turned him around and dipped down, capturing his lips in a deep kiss. He gripped Dan’s shirt tightly, carefully balancing the plate in his other hand.

Suddenly, a voice called out from near the kitchen entrance. “Dan?”

The next moment was a blur.

Dan abruptly broke the kiss with a gasp and shoved Brian away.

Losing his balance, Brian's lower back hit the edge of the counter. The sharp pain made him drop the plate in his hand and it shattered on the floor, splattering food all over.

Dan's grandmother, Ruth, appeared at the kitchen entrance with a worried expression.

“Dan? Brian? Are you two all right?” she asked.

Dan stared at her with wide eyes; he looked as if he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Brian watched Dan, dumbfounded. He couldn't believe what just happened. 

Dan just... shoved him away. How could he?

Brian could feel his chest constricting. The world was closing in on him, shoving him into a box. He was cut off from those he loved and cared about, unwanted and unneeded.

_ Dan _ made him feel that way.

The whole party trickled into the kitchen entrance, hearing the commotion. Everyone wondered what had happened and asked if everything was okay.

Dan managed to find his voice and nodded. “Yeah. We're okay. Just, um, startled I guess. Right, Bri?”

Feeling his insides ice over, Brian nodded stiffly. “Yeah. It was an accident,” he said, his voice void of any emotion.

Kneeling down and ignoring the throbbing pain in his lower back, Brian began to carefully pick up the broken pieces of the plate.

Dan quickly knelt down, reaching over to help.

“Don't.” The coldness in Brian’s voice froze Dan in place. “I've got it, Dan.”

Dan swallowed thickly. “Oh. Um, okay.”

He stood up; everyone had dispersed, except Dan’s grandmother, who was wetting a rag at the sink to give to Brian and their sisters, Dana and Stephanie who were both watching their older brothers with worried expressions.

Dan averted his eyes, and his face flushed with shame. Sparing a glance at Brian, Dan excused himself and rushed out of the kitchen.

Brian didn't bother to acknowledge his departure.

Why should he?

He was vaguely aware of Dana leaving; she was probably going after Dan. He took the rag from Ruth and thanked her. 

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and gave him a small smile, waiting for him to look up. “My little star… he makes mistakes. I'm sure you know this very well. Don't give up on him. He loves you.”

Brian looked away, feeling the corners of his eyes stinging.

He knew that. Knew all of it.

But dammit, it hurt. How much more of this was he supposed to take?

Ruth leaned forward and kissed Brian's forehead. “You're a good man, Brian. You are worthy of his love.”

Brian’s breath caught in his throat, and he stared at her, eyes wide.

How could she know?

How could she know how Dan's inconsistent rejection and acceptance made him feel? How?

Ruth gently stroked the side of his face before standing up and walking out, nodding slightly at Stephanie.

Brian watched as his younger sister grabbed another rag and helped him clean up the mess. They worked together quietly, neither of them exchanging a word. 

He appreciated the silence. There was already too much on his mind.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan took a deep breath and adjusted the microphone before him once more.

“Alright, Dan. We'll start with 'In Your Eyes'. Brian, count him off,” their producer Jim said over the intercom.

Glancing over at the piano, Dan waited for Brian to meet his eyes.

Brian kept his gaze firmly on the keys.

“One, two, three, four...” he said, not even looking up.

Dan ignored the slight clenching of his chest, turned back to the microphone, and began to sing.

He tried to focus on the words, but his mind drifted back to Brian and the cold indifference that had become commonplace.

Dan couldn't blame him.

After his actions during the holidays a few weeks ago, Brian had virtually shut himself down. It was a wonder he hadn't broken up with Dan yet; Dana said he probably deserved it.

He didn't have to be told that. Dan knew what he had done to Brian was unacceptable and beyond terrible.

Brian had requested some space; he didn't say why, but Dan knew, and his expected apology remained stuck in his throat.

Dan couldn't even promise that it wouldn't happen again; that he wouldn't regress and pretend they weren't together when someone else was around. 

But this time was by far the worst. 

It wasn't just pretending they weren't together; Dan had pushed Brian away, and completely rejected him when he heard his grandmother approaching. He’d even ended up with a large bruise on his lower back from where he’d fallen back onto the counter.

Dan hadn't apologized for that, either; he’d only seen it a few days ago, during a dress rehearsal for a music video shoot.

At the rate he was going, Dan had no doubt Brian's patience would run out and then he would lose him.

Brian was one of the best people to come into his life, someone he loved with all his heart and soul, but god, Dan sure had a funny way of showing it.

His self-sabotage all but guaranteed Brian's eventual departure to find someone who could give him what he wanted and needed.

As Dan continued to sing, his thoughts became more turbulent. The sorrow of eventually losing Brian welled up within him, tightening his throat and causing his voice to crack and tremble.

The music stopped and Jim's voice came back over the intercom. “Dan? Are you okay?”

Dan gripped the microphone tightly. His head lowered as he shook it in the negative, his hair curtaining his face and blocking out his surroundings. “No,” he whispered. “C-can we take a break?”

There was a beat of silence before Jim's voice returned. “Yeah. That's fine.”

Brian stood up from the piano and walked around. “Dan?” he questioned, keeping his distance but unable to hide the worry in his tone.

Dan's eyes began to water as he stared at the floor.

Brian was afraid to approach him. Calling him 'Dan', instead of 'Danny'. Protecting himself from the pain Dan had caused.

Continued to cause.

He was so tired of his own bullshit. Dan just wanted to love Brian and freely show it.

Why was it so hard for him to do that?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brian closed the door behind him and locked it.

Dan winced at the sound of the seemingly deafening click of the deadbolt. It reminded him of all the times he'd hidden his affection and love for Brian behind closed doors, away from what he perceived to be judging and prying eyes.

The only person judging Dan was himself.

Brian walked towards the couch Dan was sitting on, hesitating before deciding to sit in the nearby chair.

It was clear that with the state Dan was in, they weren’t going to get any decent recording done. After apologizing to Jim, Brian had driven them to his house. He’d chosen it to put himself in a more comfortable position, more on his own turf.

Brian hated how defensive he'd become when it came to Dan, but it couldn't be helped.

Dan had hurt him one too many times, chipping away at his heart, his confidence, and his self-worth. And even if they were still technically together, Brian couldn't take any more chances. Dan didn't realize the power he held over Brian; he could easily break him beyond repair without even trying.

Brian couldn't let that happen.

No matter how much he loved Dan, no matter how much he would do practically anything for him, he had to protect himself.

Dan sat up from his hunched over position. His eyes were bloodshot, with dark bags beneath them. Dan looked miserable.

Brian wanted nothing more than to go over and pull him into his arms and tell him it would be alright.

But he couldn't do that; his words wouldn't be true.

Dan turned towards him. “I'm so sorry, Brian.” He was trying to smile, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Brian’s fingers twitched, digging into the arm of the chair. The urge to comfort Dan was nearly overwhelming, but Brian pushed it down. He’d only end up enabling Dan and leaving himself open to more pain. 

“I swear I’m not doing this on purpose.” Dan continued. His eyes begged Brian to believe him. “It’s like a… a fucking reflex, or something. I don’t know how to control it.”

Brian remained silent, staring down at the floor. He could feel his chest tightening once more as he thought back to all the times Dan had hurt him. 

His constantly conflicting actions. 

Showering Brian in love behind closed doors, treating him as just a friend while out.

Whispering sweet promises in his ear, making their friends roll their eyes. Shoving him away when the public intimacy became too deep.

It was confusing to the point where Brian didn’t know where they stood. Were Dan’s feelings real, or was he just leading him on?

Brian looked up and met Dan’s eyes. 

Dan swallowed. Piercing blue eyes, fixed on him, without a trace of warmth within them. 

He remembered a time when Brian would look at him with nothing but adoration and love. He knew it was his fault, that Brian had become so cold towards him. He wished he knew how to fix it all.

“Dan. Do you love me?” Brian asked, his tone low and even, giving nothing away.

Dan nodded frantically. “I do! I love you so fucking much, Bri!” He leaned forward, trying desperately to close the gap between them.

Brian turned away, his expression twisting from indifference into sorrow.

“Are you ashamed of me?” he asked. “Am I not good enough?”

Dan’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was this how Brian had felt all this time? Inferior, all because of him? He hadn’t realized at all.

Brian was suffering in silence. He dealt with Dan and his issues, tried to go at his pace and accommodate to what he needed, put himself second until he couldn’t take it anymore and his self-preservation kicked in to protect himself from the damage Dan was inflicting on his psyche. 

Dan shook his head, dropping it into his hands. This was all fucked up.

“No, Brian, I’m not ashamed of you, or our relationship.” Dan looked back up at him, tears in his eyes and his voice straining. “You’re more than good enough for me. You’re too good for me.” He blinked back the tears threatening to fall. 

“I’m the one who isn’t good enough for you. Can’t even fuckin’ show you how much I love you properly.” He held out his hands, helplessly. “I want to change, Brian. But nothing seems to be working, not even therapy.”

Letting out a heavy sigh, he leaned back into the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to, but if you wanna call it quits, I understand.”

Brian winced, the tightness of his chest becoming unbearable. Just the thought of no longer being with Dan, losing him in such a manner? He didn’t want that. Not at all.

But he didn’t know what else to do. 

Dan wasn’t trying to hurt him, but it didn’t change the fact that the way things currently were between them was horrible for Brian’s mental health. Dan still had his struggles and Brian wasn’t sure if he could stay with him, at least intimately, while he overcame them. 

Brian took a deep breath. As much as it hurt him and as much as he knew it would hurt Dan, they had to do it. 

For both their sakes.

“Danny. I love you.” Brian began. “I love you so fucking much. You know I’d do almost anything for you.”

Dan winced, bracing himself.

“But this…” Brian gestured between the both of them. “I can’t keep doing this. I-I have to look out for myself, and being with you now…” He paused, closing his eyes. This was hard. He’d never thought he’d be in such a position with Dan. But he had to push forward.

“Being with you like this...isn’t what’s best for me. I think we should just...be friends.” 

Dan let out a shuddering breath and hung his head. He was expecting it, and he knew it was coming but it didn’t make it any easier. 

Brian was breaking up with him, and he had no one to blame but himself.

Brian could see the way Dan was beginning to withdraw. Soon, he’d need to leave and have some time to himself. Dan was predictable in that way.

Their partnership and friendship would continue for sure, but neither of them would be able to forget everything else they had together. Brian didn’t want to leave Dan crushed without any hope.

Leave himself without any hope.

“If you want...we can maybe... try again. In the future,” he offered. 

Dan’s eyes widened, and his head shot up. Brian was willing to give him another chance? 

“If you can get past this, if— if I can get past this… I think we could still work.”

Dan contemplated. If he could truly get past his problems, if he could freely and openly show his love for Brian without hesitation. If he could do that, they could be together again. 

His hands clenched into fists. He’d do it. He’d continue his therapy and work towards changing. Then he and Brian could be together again. 

He could stop hurting him. 

“Okay, Brian. I’ll do it. I’ll get you back.” Dan said with determination.

Brian stared at him in surprise. The look in Dan’s eyes was the one he always had just before he pulled himself out of a spiral he’d resigned himself to fail. 

Dan really wanted this. 

Wanted him. 

Brian smiled, and stood up. Taking Dan by the wrist, he tugged him up to his feet and pulled him into a tight hug. 

Caught off guard, Dan quickly regained his ground and wrapped his arms around Brian, pressing his face into his hair. “I love you, Brian. I’ll do my best and we’ll be together again. I promise.” 

Brian squeezed his eyes shut, feeling some of the tightness in his chest fading. A few tears welled up and trickled down his face.

“I love you too, Danny. I believe you and I… I’ll wait for you.” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue

Brian looked up from his piano and stared in awe at the crowd. 

Thousands of red, blue, black and yellow lights swayed back and forth in the dark, mirroring the waving of Dan’s arms. 

It was an amazing sight to see. Their fans had outdone themselves again. 

It was NSP’s 15th anniversary, and they were playing another sold out show. The 10th anniversary concert had had over eight thousand attendees, but this one had well over fifteen thousand. Quite appropriate. 

They had been a bit worried about booking a larger arena but the fans once again proved their worries were unwarranted, showing up in droves and waiting in line all day just to see them. For the type of band they were, it was amazing the loyalty they garnered. 

Brian surveyed the crowd and gazed at the mixture of his and Dan’s colors, shining like stars in the sky. It was something fun the fans had come up with, but Brian and Dan felt the impact in more ways than anyone else would ever know. 

Brian subtly reached up and wiped at the tears gathering in his eyes. He hoped no one would notice, but he was sure there would be plenty of pictures and video of Ninja Brian being emotional uploaded later. 

Dan walked back over to the grand piano and stood by him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he continued to sing; Brian appreciated it. Dan knew his touch would keep him grounded and focused, just as Brian stood so close to Dan during the in-between segments, his mere presence providing Dan with support and reassurance whenever he started to feel overwhelmed at the unbridled love and emotion being thrown their way. 

It had been four years since their breakup. The transition was difficult, and Brian and Dan had had to make a lot of adjustments. Learning how to just be friends again was hard, but it turned out fine in the end.

Dan stood by his word. He’d continued his therapy, working on demolishing the barriers within his mind—the barriers holding him back from giving Brian his all, and his hard work and determination paid off. 

Brian kept his promise also: he waited for Dan and welcomed him back into his arms. They had been back together for only a year, but he could already tell what a huge difference it made.

There was no longer any hesitation in Dan’s affection; he no longer automatically closed the curtains or locked the doors of their hotel rooms and bedrooms. He didn’t shy away from Brian when they were amongst their friends and family, and even in public, he still kept close. 

Somehow the progress and time apart had deepened their bond, and now their love for each other meant even more than it ever did four years before. It was like they’d reached the end of a rainbow, and neither of them could remember a time they were happier.

The concert went by in a flash and they were playing their last encore song; Dan had decided to go with a cover, a fan favorite.

Dan was truly in his element; he twirled around on stage, his cape flaring out around him as a huge grin spread across his face. As he sang, he hopped and skipped across the stage, giving one-armed hugs and high fives to each member of TWRP and waving backstage at Planet Booty to invite them back out. 

JP handed Josh a microphone and he joined Dan in singing, their voices blending as Josh provided backing vocals; Dylan danced alongside Doctor Sung while hitting a cowbell and Rob shared the drumset with Havve Hogan.

The three bands mixed their sound effortlessly into one.

Dan made his way out into the crowd, standing on a crate above everyone with one arm in the air as he continued to sing. 

“_ It was the heat of the moment, telling you what your heart meant... _”

Thousands of hands outstretched towards him, waving to the beat.

_ “It was the heat of the moment, shone in your eyes...” _

Dan’s own eyes were shining, seeing the many smiling faces singing along with him. “_ It was the heat of the moment _...”

“_ It was the heat of the moment, heat of the moment _,” his friends back on stage sang with him.

“_ Shine in your eyes… Yeah, ohhh! _” Dan jumped off the crate and ran back onto the stage, placing his microphone back on the stand. He spread his arms wide as he sang with all his heart and soul.

Looking back at TWRP, Dan twirled his hand, signaling them to keep playing. 

Josh and Dylan led the fans in singing the chorus once more as Dan strode over to Brian and took his hand, pulling him to center stage. 

Brian followed without protest as Rob stepped in and took over playing his part on the keyboard. 

Once they reached the center, Dan turned towards Brian with a wide smile on his face; he could see the confusion wavering in his blue eyes. 

Dan reached up and tugged the top of Brian’s mask, slowly pulling it off, and the arena erupted in screams. 

Brian still had no idea what was going on—until Dan trailed his fingers down the side of his face, the tips of his fingers lingering on his lips; it was a silent question that Brian finally understood.

Was Dan for real?

He was—Brian could see the love and determination in Dan’s eyes, and he nodded slightly and waited.

Dan’s hand moved to the back of Brian’s neck and pulled him close as he leaned down. Their lips pressed together, and Brian’s hands came up to grip Dan’s cape as he deepened the kiss. 

The noise was deafening: the screams of their fans, friends and families, all cheering their support and showing their love.

Breaking the kiss, Dan stared into Brian’s watering eyes. “I love you,” he mouthed, and pulled him into a tight hug.

Brian buried his face into Dan’s shoulder, and the tears flowed down his face.

They’d made it, in more ways than one. They’d come full circle.

No more hiding behind closed doors.


End file.
